'Yummy' and 'Jummy'

For years Banana and I have joked about this book I should write: Explorations of Dating in a Modern World. Or, How to Score Yourself the Most Awkward and Bizarre Dates in the History of the Universe. Or even better, How to Guarantee You'll Have (Awesomely) Bad Date Stories to Tell for the Next Decade.

As a twenty-something living in our buzzed up, twitterpated world of social media, I've signed myself up for some random dating scenarios over the past years. Willingly, no less. OK Cupid, E-Harmony, Match.com, It's Just Coffee, Craigslist (which was hands down the creepiest, but not weirdest), MySpace...you name it, I was on it. The results? A random sampling of my most awkward dates ever:


- The Boy I Met on Match.com: A *very* good-looking half-German, half-Colombian adventurer planned a perfectly romantic first date picnic at the Hollywood Forever cemetery's old movie night. Seriously, one of the coolest things to do in L.A. I was smitten until he (1) tried to feed me, and then (2) started crying on the drive home while telling me about the night he spent in jail for public urination.

- The Boy I Met at Work: After going on a few dates with a boy, he stared dreamily into my eyes and told me in all seriousness, "You're so YUMMY." Huh? "You're so freaking YUMMY." Dealbreaker? I think so.

- The Boy I Met on OK Cupid: Wow, OK Cupid boy was HOT. Like, nice muscles (and I'm not even that into muscles). He was adventurous with a shared taste for very spicy chai and all things Argentina. For example, when I told him the above story about The Boy I Met at Work, he responded with "You're so freaking JUMMY" in classic Castellano. Not only that, he was sensitive and empathetic, we could talk for hours, and he made great mixed cds. Amor? Alas, no. Turns out he wasn't born a man.

- The Boy I Met on It's Just Coffee: It's happy hour and we're guzzling Pancho's amazing margaritas in Manhattan Beach during Date #1. I say, "I'm going to give you a personality test"...and he answers the first question (what's your favorite color) with "I don't have one". (Really?) Turns out he didn't, and I drained my marg pretty quickly. Surprisingly there was no Date #2.

(A few disclaimers, here. These experiences aside, I still think online dating can be really fun. And even though I wasn't romantically interested in OK Cupid boy, I asked if he still wanted to hang out as friends (he didn't) because he was a really cool person...I really respect him for figuring out who he is and staying true to himself.)